Take Me Out To The Shawon-O-Meter

By Donald G. Evans

A confluence of activity goes into the Wrigley Field experience. What happens on the field is certainly a big part of it: Milt Pappas’ near-perfect game, Kerry Wood’s 20 strikeouts, Reed Johnson’s diving, hat-flipping catch, Willie Smith’s Opening Day walk-off home run, the Michael Barrett-A.J. Pierzynski brawl. But what happens in the stands, in the bars surrounding the park, around the souvenir stands, all along Waveland and Sheffield and Addison and Clark, on the el platform, under the stadium in the concession area, and yes, in the broadcast booth…that’s as much a part of it.

My personal memories of Wrigley Field include eating Ron Santo Pizza, catching knuckleballs from peanut vendors, taking the Cicero Avenue bus to Addison, skipping school, listening to hecklers ride the umpires, hearing the conversations between Bleacher Bums.

Roaring with the crowd as the Shawon-O-Meter was hoisted in the air.

Dave Cihla and his famous sign were as much a part of the 1980s Wrigley experience as Andre Dawson, Greg Maddux and Mark Grace. Certainly more than a great variety of celebrities who’ve been chosen to guest conduct the Seventh Inning Stretch.

Here are some of the celebrities chosen to sing “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” since the tradition began in 1998:

· Bea Arthur: Maude, in a word. Okay, she was also Dorothy Zbornak on the Golden Girls. Born in New York City, raised in Maryland, schooled in Virginia, Bea Arthur’s Chicago connection is dubious, at best. Cub fan? Who knows?

· David Cassidy: Keith Partridge. Also born in New York City, it’s not clear what, if anything, David Cassidy has to do with the Cubs. Maybe he was promoting his Partridge family greatest hits album, which came out the year before his Wrigley appearance. I can’t be sure.

· Barbara Eden: Had Jeannie shown a little midriff during her guest stint, I could have seen it. But she didn’t, and I don’t.

· Erik Estrada: He played Ponch on “CHIPs.” Another New York City guy. Do we really need to go to New York to drum up aging television stars?

· Peter Frampton: Hey, I still drag out my “Frampton Comes Alive!” vinyl album on occasion, too, but I’m not sure that warrants the prime slot in my ballpark.

· Barney the Dinosaur: I was fine with Bozo the Clown—I get that—but why do purple dinosaurs get the red carpet treatment and billy goats get bounced?

· American Girls: Dolls come alive? Dolls sing? Can a doll be a Cub fan?

· Ozzie Osbourne: Well, he didn’t bite the head off a bat, even a Louisville Slugger, but that’s the best you could say about the whole thing.

· Marion Ross: Mrs. Cunningham. Born here? No. Went to school here? No. Did an internship in Palatine? No. She didn’t even bring the Fonz or Potsie with her.

· Dawn Wells. Mary Ann on Gilligan’s Island. As I recall, Thurston Howell III liked golf, but I don’t remember any mention of baseball. What I’m looking for here is evidence that Dawn or Mary Ann, any of the shipwrecked characters, cared one iota about the Cubs.

· Jerry Mathers: Everybody loved the Beav—50 years ago. So we dust him off, find him a Cubs hat that sort of fits, and shove a mic into his hand. This does justice to Harry Caray’s memory…how?

I could go on. The Cubs’ insist that in order to guest conduct the seventh-inning stretch, one must be famous, or a sports figure, or a special interest group. That means “Macho Man” Randy Savage is in; Jerry “The Bleacher Preacher” Pritikin is out. Hottie and the Blowfish are in; the beer venders are out. Mickey Mouse and the Dapper Dan Quartets are in; the old bleacher bums are out.

Presumably, the thinking is that everybody loves celebrities. Celebrities are good for business. They’re an attraction. But isn’t The Shawon-O-Meter as famous as famous gets, in Wrigley Field?

The Cubs do have one category that allows “special individual guests.” These rare exceptions are the ones I feel have done justice to the spirit of Harry Caray and everything the guest conducting program entails. Ronnie “Woo Woo” Wickers got a chance, as did Illinois Teacher of the Year Bob Gramm and Wrigley Field organist Gary Pressy. Last year, the team held a 7^th Inning Stretch competition and let the winner, Dustin Egleseder, lead. These were fun, precious moments.

Dave Cihla should be next. On June 12. Wouldn’t Harry just love seeing Dave and his sign ham it up on the 20^th anniversary of The Shawon-O-Meter? Wouldn’t he?

Donald G. Evans is the editor of the new anthology Cubbie Blues: 100 Years of Waiting Till Next Year. Cubbie Blues is the sponsor of the petition to nominate the "Shawon-O-Meter" as guest conductor on June 12, 2009.